Parenting and Positive Reinforcement

It’s never too early to start disciplining your child, and at 18 months our strong-willed Sophia needs to be contantly reminded that mommy is the boss (grumble… yes, daddy too).  Actually, it is a team effort so both parents must work together with patience and persistence.  Though I must say Joe spearheaded this operation, and since we’re being honest, at times Sophia doesn’t really take me seriously when I attempt to discipline her.  I am working on that and it has gotten better. 

Our approach to discipline involves positive reinforcement.  I’ve learned that babies much like adults need to be praised when they do good.  If they do something wrong ignore it and let it go, otherwise, they may enjoy your reaction and continue this bad behaviour.  For example, Sophia watched the episode of “Yo Gabba Gabba” where the lesson was “DON’T bite your friends” and somehow missed a big part of the message (“DON’T”).  She would wave her finger at me and say “Don’t bite”, and then continue to bite me which actually wasn’t fun at the time since I am still nursing.  Even when I have fair warning it still doesn’t give me enough time to react.  At first, I thought it was cute and funny until it continued to happen.  I noticed she was just trying to get a reaction out of me.  I tried being firm and telling her “No, don’t do that”, which she mimicked ALL the time.  My husband reprimanded her and that only made her cry, which doesn’t happen often (I definitely don’t encourage this method).  I tried a different and more painful approach.  I let her bite me and reminded myself not to react, and she eventually lost interest in biting me. 

We found something that seems to work.  We reinforce good behaviour by clapping and emphatically saying, “Yes, you did it!” constantly.  It goes a little something like this:  Sophia accomplishes a task.  Joe will praise her by saying “Yes, you did it!”.  Sophia smiles ecstatic with arm gestures and all, and repeats “Yes, I did it!”  It takes a lot of patience to say “Yes, you did it!” all day with the same enthusiasm each time but the end result is worth it.     

I have to applaud my husband for this one.  Good job, Joe!  You did it! ;P

The happiness she radiates is a reflection of the people who surround her.

Today, I woke up grateful for my Tita Chuchi, who is my daughter’s caretaker.  “Tita” in Tagalog, the native language of the Philippines, means “aunt”.  Though Tita Chuchi isn’t my aunt per se, to me she’s more like a second mom.  If fact, she shares many similarities with my mom such as her kindness, gentleness, patience, generosity and fervent devotion to God.  It’s no wonder they were such great friends.

When I was pregnant, my husband and I had no clear idea what we were going to do about child care.  As much as I enjoy planning and scheduling my life, I realized that choosing a daycare or nanny would be difficult so (literally) the second we learned we were about to be parents we marched over to the closest daycare to inquire about pricing, and, of course, to request an application.  To our dismay, we were told there was a waitlist and the cost was about $2100 per month. “Whoa!” you say?  We were blown away by the fact that the most convenient daycare facility was so costly and it’s not even a guarantee if we apply.  Luckily, we had 10 months ahead of us.  After more research, we learned the going price for daycares in our area is ridiculous and how can we even guarantee they’ll care for our child the way they would their own children. 

Ten months went by really fast since we were focused on moving out of our one bedroom railroad apartment so naturally we got sidetracked.  We moved into our two bedroom condo about a month before my due date.  (We’ve been here over a year and a half and I still don’t feel like we’ve settled in at all, but you make the best of what you have, right?)  Where was I?  While I was on maternity leave, it was time to reconsider and really explore our options.  I am a firm believer that all things work themselves out and it did.  After three months of maternity leave, my mom and Tita Chuchi took care of my daughter when I returned to work part-time.  

My mom retired roughly around the time I was ready to go back to work, but she also took care of my other two nieces, Malaya and Isabella, from time to time.  We wanted her to enjoy her retirement so we didn’t want to burden her (though you know she secretly liked it) with 3 grandchildren 7 days a week.  As luck would have it, Tita Chuchi had also retired from her position at the United Nations some time during my maternity leave. My mom, who spent most of her life tight lipped when I asked her for her opinion on everything, was actually the one who suggested asking Tita Chuchi to take care of Sophia and so we did.  She accepted.  (Sounds so simple, huh?  You have no idea the mental agony I experienced for 10 months but I still trusted things would work out.)

We’re fortunate to have Tita Chuchi since she cares for Sophia as if she was her own daughter.  Oh wait! Speaking of daughter!  How can I forget Lisa, Tita Chuchi’s daughter, who is attending college majoring in education while working part-time at a daycare?  What’s wrong with me?  When Tita Chuchi needs to run errands or take a day off, Lisa fills in for her, which means I don’t have to take a day off from work or worry about finding childcare (so Lisa too is my savior!).  Lisa has a certain je ne sais quoi with children so I know Sophia is in good hands. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do without Tita Chuchi and Lisa in my life.

When I woke up this morning right before I got out of bed to write this entry, I thought to myself how grateful I am to be blessed with such a happy baby.  Sophia makes being a parent so much fun.  Then, I realized there is a reason for this.  It’s not only the time my husband and I put into her, it’s also the time she spends with Tita Chuchi who also reinforces the same qualities and values which we instill upon Sophia.  Tita Chuchi has been with us through countless fevers, diaper rashes, teething issues, etc.  She revels in our parental joys such as when Sophia took her first steps or when she says, “Amber, why barking?” when our dog barks.  I really appreciate all the time and effort Tita Chuchi and Lisa, and, of course, my husband (and my mom too), put into Sophia.  The happiness she radiates is a reflection of the people who surround her.